In today’s news: a short story and a fake research paper about natural peanut butters.
I’m a creature of habit: each day at the office starts at 8:30 a.m. with two black teas and unsweetened vanilla soy milk before a banana (just tinged with green if the timing’s right) with natural peanut butter at 10 a.m.
Then it’s homemade sourdough with Marmite and avocado for lunch, a snack of nuts, seeds, and a piece of fruit mid-afternoon, all followed by a third and final cup of tea.
This is 90 per cent of my days at work, so it should come as no surprise that each element has been subjected to intense scrutiny before becoming a part of the routine.
The soy milk, for example, was swapped out for almond milk for a bit, but it just didn’t do it for me. Back to soy milk. I’ve recently started to fall for oat milk, though, so we’ll see what next month brings. As for the Marmite, I love it, but I actually prefer Vegemite (even if it has less B12) and will use that instead when available. And finally, sometimes I even use a bagel or other bread-like substance if I haven’t made any sourdough or don’t have any stashed in the freezer.
But the peanut butter, that’s probably the item that gets swapped out and shuffled the most. I did a short almond butter stint, but like the milk, it didn’t last. Peanut butter for life (or at least until I get sick of it), because let’s be real: the banana is just a vehicle for the peanut butter so my office mate doesn’t judge me for eating it out of the jar with a spoon and calling it a meal.
Just kidding, she wouldn’t judge me at all, she’s just as passionate about peanut butter as I am.
In fact, a few months ago, we’d both fallen for a premium brand, Natur, and found ourselves wondering if it was actually as superior as we thought it was. I’d recently been dabbling in Kraft’s relatively new natural peanut butter with sea salt and loved it, so we decided to test those two against a plain natural one by President’s Choice. What started as a small test between the two of us escalated into an office-wide taste test of different natural peanut butters.
It was illuminating and messy, to say the least. In a completely frivolous, unscientific fit of creative productivity, I turned the informal results into a pretend scientific research paper. So, if you ever found yourself wondering: are natural peanut butters really that different from each other? Here’s the answer.